I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
