could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
