dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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