Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
