ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
