So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
