I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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