I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
