im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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