My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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