I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
