Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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