She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
