he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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