He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
