You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
