Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
