I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
