i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
