Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
