My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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