apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
