Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
