I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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