Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
