I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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