note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
