guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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