how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
