I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
