I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
