if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
