I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
