She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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