Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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