Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
