Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
