Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
