I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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