Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm passing your future prison.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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