do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
