Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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