im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
