Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
