She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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