I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
