Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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