There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
