That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She bit a glass in half.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
