At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
