Rock
Scissors
Fuck
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
