he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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